It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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