there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
