i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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