There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
