Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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