Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
