my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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