Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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