Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
