At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
