i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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