can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
