it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
