It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
