I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
