lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
