I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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