He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
