I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
