I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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