i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
