You work out of a Hotel?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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