I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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