Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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