my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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