Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
