There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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