The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
look no pants
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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