it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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