It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
