This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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