i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
