carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
