I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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