we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize