i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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