Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
