So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
