Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
