I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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