great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
