no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
