I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
