After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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