I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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