is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
