your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
