is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
