All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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