i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
