I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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