I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I want to be your penis for a week.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
