I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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