You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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