Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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