he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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