i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found puke in my bra..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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