I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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