I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize