just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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