Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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