Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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