Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
