my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
