I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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