here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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