If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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