just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
